“You’re taking things too personally in team meetings.”
“You’re not coming across as a team player.”
“You’re always focused on the tiny details rather than the big picture.”
These are all too common pieces of feedback that women hear at work. And they’re not just frustrating—they’re pretty good examples of systemic bias.
But let’s focus on the feedback itself for now…
These types of statements are:
- Accusatory
- Personal
- Overly vague
And VERY frustrating.
Often, they’re delivered to women as “helpful advice,” maybe even a poor attempt at coaching or mentorship. But real coaching and mentorship should look very different.
Today, I want to show you what that looks like by diving into my approach to the 5A Feedback Model. While the 5A Model is common, I’ve adjusted the “A’s” just a bit to focus on coaching/mentorship rather than simply providing feedback:
The 5A Coaching Model:
1. Ask for Permission
Unlike the accusatory statements that catch people off guard, I always begin by asking for permission to provide feedback. This isn’t just a polite formality—it’s about ensuring they’re ready to engage in a constructive conversation.
2. Acknowledge the Positive
In real coaching, it’s essential to acknowledge what the person is doing well. This step is crucial because it builds trust and confidence. It also ensures that the conversation isn’t just about pointing out flaws but about recognizing strengths.
3. Provide Actionable Feedback
This is where the real coaching happens. Instead of vague criticisms like “you’re not a team player,” Provide specific, actionable feedback. For example, “I’ve noticed that in meetings, your detailed focus is excellent, but it might be beneficial to also bring up how these details tie into the larger team goals.”
4. Align with Their Goals
This is where coaching diverges from simple feedback. Make sure to align the feedback with their personal goals, values, and intentions. By doing this, you’re help them see how the changes we’re discussing will help them grow in their career.
If you aren’t sure of their goals…ask them and then practice active listening!
5. Agree on the Next Steps
Finally, instead of leaving them with vague advice, work with them to agree on the next steps. This ensures that they leave the conversation with a clear action plan and a sense of ownership over their development.
Remember that we should approach ALL hard conversations from a place of growth.
By using the 5A Coaching Model, our goal is to turn feedback from something that feels accusatory and personal into a constructive tool for growth.
Now For A Challenge…
Now that you have an idea of how using the 5A Coaching Model can transform vague, accusatory feedback into constructive, empowering coaching it’s time to put that knowledge into action.
I challenge you to practice the 5A Coaching Model with someone on your team. Here’s how:
- Ask for Permission: Start by asking them if you can share some feedback. This sets the tone for a respectful, open conversation.
- Acknowledge the Positive: Highlight something specific they’re doing well. Everyone loves to be recognized for their strengths.
- Provide Actionable Feedback: Give them one piece of feedback that is clear, specific, and actionable. Make sure it’s something they can work on right away.
- Align with Their Goals: Connect the feedback to their personal or professional goals. Help them see how this feedback will help them grow.
- Agree on Next Steps: Collaboratively decide on the next steps. What will they focus on? How will you support them?
By taking these steps, you’ll not only be providing valuable guidance but also building trust and encouraging growth.
BONUS: Reflect on how you felt giving feedback this way. Did it feel more constructive and collaborative? Did the person you coached respond positively?
Remember, real coaching isn’t about critique—it’s about building people up.