“When you want something, you’re like a pitbull until you get it.”
What?! Like the vicious dog people are afraid to own? (they actually are super sweet and sort of a mascot of my hometown of Baltimore City)
But this was said to me as positive feedback during a review early in my career. And this comment stuck with me!
For a long time I was insecure and questioned my likability and my competency as a leader. I’d constantly ask myself: “Am I being too aggressive?”
Let’s clear the air: I WAS NOT and you ARE NOT aggressive.
There is a big different between aggressive and assertive. Assertive communication is essential to leadership. So let’s dive into what assertive communication looks like and how to distinguish it from truly aggressive behavior.
Understanding Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully. It involves standing up for yourself while considering the rights and feelings of others. Here are some key characteristics of assertive communication:
- Clarity: You articulate your needs and opinions directly and without ambiguity.
- Respect: You respect yourself and others, valuing everyone’s contributions.
- Confidence: You maintain a calm and steady tone, showing confidence in your message.
- Active Listening: You listen to others and reflect back what they’ve said.
Assertive communication allows you to advocate for yourself and your ideas, making it a powerful tool for career advancement.
Why Assertive Communication is Crucial for Women in Leadership
In male-dominated industries, women often face additional challenges. Assertive communication helps you navigate these challenges by:
- Establishing Authority: By being clear and using simple language you project confidence and competence.
- Building Trust: Colleagues and team members are more likely to trust and respect you when you communicate assertively.
- Encouraging Open Dialogue: Assertiveness promotes a culture of open communication and psychological safety.
- Combatting Bias: By consistently asserting your worth and contributions, you challenge stereotypes and biases.
Recognizing Aggressive Communication
Aggressive communication, on the other hand, disregards others’ feelings and rights. It often involves:
- Domination: Trying to control or dominate conversations and situations.
- Blame and Criticism: Using blame or criticism to get your point across.
- Intimidation: Using a loud voice, harsh words, or threatening body language.
- Disrespect: Showing little regard for others’ opinions and contributions.
Aggressive communication is toxice and leads to conflict and resentment. Recognizing these behaviors in yourself or others is crucial for fostering a healthy work environment. If you are consistently being spoken to aggressively there is a need for feedback and/or boundaries.
I’m not a vicious dog because I drive towards my goals and ambitions.
I’m a confident and assertive communicator who’s very good at executing! And my bet is that you are too!
So let’s say it loud and proud: BEING ASSERTIVE IS A SUPERPOWER!