Let’s face it: we all have moments when we need to tackle difficult conversations at work. Whether it’s delivering feedback, addressing conflicts, or discussing sensitive topics like salaries, these conversations can often feel daunting. But fret not! In this article you will learn our 5 step process for turning a difficult conversation into a productive dialogue and actionable next steps. With a systematic approach, you can navigate these tough discussions with confidence. Here are five steps to guide you through hard conversations at the workplace.
1. Decide What Exactly is Making the Conversation Difficult:
Before diving into the conversation, it’s crucial to pinpoint what’s causing the unease. Is it the potential reaction of the other person? Or perhaps it’s the topic itself? Or sometimes it’s just that the other person constantly rubs you the wrong way. Working closely with someone who’s communication, work style, personality, values or life experiences greatly differ from your own has the potential to spark creativity and innovation…or it can also lead to misunderstandings and tension.
Regardless of the reason, understanding the root cause can help you tailor your approach, making the conversation smoother and more constructive. Remember, self-awareness and understanding of both party’s perspectives is the first step to effective communication. It’s a good idea to always start with the assumption that the other person does not mean you any harm.
2. Think Through If It’s REALLY Worth a Discussion:
Not every concern or issue warrants a full-blown discussion. It’s essential to evaluate the significance of the matter. Ask yourself: Is addressing this problem central to my success and/or well being on the job? If the answer is an easy ‘no’ or the issue is fleeting, perhaps it’s best left unaddressed. And look, we know this is easier said than done when you’re really worked up over something. But being strategic in choosing your battles demonstrates strong emotional intelligence in the workplace. Emotional intelligence is one of your greatest tools in advancing in your career (more on that below).
However, if it’s something that can impact your mental health, your ability to do your job to the best of your ability, a team’s dynamics, or the company’s progress, it’s worth bringing up. At this point you’ll also want to decide on the best way to set the stage and ask for a conversation. We’ve found that doing this over email is often best. This gives you the opportunity to choose your phrasing and tone carefully. It’s also, frankly, less awkward.
3. Prepare and Plan Ahead of Time:
Just like preparing for a presentation, hard conversations benefit from a little prep work. Being prepared not only boosts your confidence but also ensures the conversation remains constructive and on track.
First, you’ll want to dig a little deeper into your own feelings. I know…the fun stuff!!
Psychologist Dan Goleman’s groundbreaking research identifies “emotional intelligence” as the key driver to success in the workplace. Your ability to develop an understanding of your own emotions, triggers and communication styles (and that of your colleagues) will help you build more positive professional interactions in general. This is especially true when emotions are running high in a difficult conversation.
The first step in this process is to simply get real with yourself and name your feelings. Are you embarrassed, jealous, pissed off, hurt…etc. You’re talking to yourself here, so don’t sugarcoat it. By naming your feeling you immediately loosen its grip on you and give yourself more space to objectively ask yourself why you feel that way and work through the feeling BEFORE talking to the other person.
Next you need to assess the facts – and your assumptions and biases. Yes, I said it…You are not automatically right.
And finally, develop a strategy and a range of acceptable positive outcomes. DO NOT write yourself a script. You can not predict how the other person will react until you’re in the middle of the conversation. If you practice a script 50 times and the other person reacts in a way you weren’t anticipating, you could be left caught off guard and unprepared on how to proceed. Imagine yourself on stage forgetting a line in a play…not a pretty picture, eh? So remember… a strategy, not a script!
Note: We are creating a cheat sheet of phrases to use and phrases to avoid during conflict communication and negotiations. Check our Free Resources soon to download when it’s released.
4. Conduct the Conversation:
When it’s time for the talk, choose a private and neutral location. Start with a positive tone stating your intentions clearly. For instance, ” Thank you for agreeing to speak with me. I wanted to discuss this with you because I believe we can find a way to work better together.” Listen actively, be open to feedback, and stay calm, even if the conversation becomes heated. And remember to always try to end the conversation by establishing commitments from both sides. If you can do this, you’ll have made real progress.
Tip: If you’re providing an employee with constructive feedback on their performance, practice clearly stating your expectations in a direct but friendly tone. Try using the phrase “The expectation is/was…” rather than “I expect you to…”. This approach separates you from the feedback and allows you to come across as though you’re on their team and want to see them succeed.
5. Follow Through:
The conversation doesn’t end when you leave the room. It’s essential to revisit the discussion, check in on any agreements made, and ensure that both parties are content with the outcomes. This can all be done via a friendly, but direct follow up email. We recommend you always do follow ups in writing. This step reinforces your commitment to resolving issues and ensures there is no miscommunication or misinterpretation of the commitments made by either party.
While hard conversations at work can be intimidating, they’re often necessary for growth and progress. By following these five steps, you can ensure that your discussions are constructive, meaningful, and lead to positive outcomes for everyone involved. So the next time you find yourself dreading a tough talk, remember these steps and face the conversation with confidence!
If you’d like a little assistance in choosing the best phrasing in communicating your feelings or feedback, click here to download our free guide: 34 Conflict and Negotiation Phrases. It can be hard even knowing where to start a conversation. This will help you enter any conversation with confidence and clarity.