Initiating a conversation about leaving a stable job can be daunting, especially when it’s with those who care about your well-being the most: your partner, parents, or close friends. This was especially true when I told my husband I wanted to quit my job and start my own company. Oh! Did I mention it was February of 2020? A month before the COVID 19 lockdown. Prime time for making major life changes. At the time, I was the main breadwinner in the house and we heavily relied on my multiple six-figure salary. But I had a plan, I was vulnerable and clear about how badly I needed this change and my husband Josh was endlessly supportive. If you are reading this…Thanks babe! In this article, I’ll walk you through how to muster the courage and clarity to get vulnerable with your partner and turn a potentially scary conversation into a productive first step towards a brighter professional horizon.
Setting the Stage:
Before diving into the heart of the conversation, setting the right ambiance is essential. Choose a calm environment, free from distractions. This not only allows your loved ones to grasp the gravity of the situation but also fosters an open dialogue.
It’s also important to ensure you’re in the right space emotionally that day. Hold off if you’ve had an especially stressful or demanding day. This is too important of a conversation to enter into with your tank on empty.
Make it a Priority to Make Your Loved One Feel Heard:
Communicate your need for a candid discussion emphasizing that their insights and feedback are not only welcome, but crucial. Making sure your partner feels heard fosters trust. When you involve them in major decisions, it underscores that you value and respect their input.
If you share financial responsibilities with this person, your decision to quit might impact them and any shared future plans. By ensuring they feel heard, you acknowledge the interconnected nature of your lives. And most importantly, the vulnerability you both show in this discussion will ultimately strengthen your bond.
Articulate Your “Why” Clearly:
Your decision to contemplate quitting didn’t emerge overnight. It’s a culmination of various factors – be it a stifling work environment, lack of growth, or a misalignment of personal values with the job. By clearly articulating these reasons, you help your loved ones understand the depth of your predicament. They can better appreciate that this isn’t a whimsical decision, but one borne out of introspection and necessity.
Discuss the Plan Ahead:
Your decision to quit might raise concerns about financial security and future prospects. Alleviate these worries by sketching a rough roadmap of your intentions pre- and post-resignation. This might include plans for a job search, upskilling, or even a career pivot. A tentative timeline, even if it’s just a draft, provides a reassuring framework, highlighting that you’re not stepping into the unknown without a strategy.
This part can actually be turned into a fun discussion of shared daydreaming. If you’re married or have a partner, use this as an opportunity to discuss the vision for your family and future. How might this change open up new opportunities that excite you both?
Listen Actively:
As much as this conversation is about voicing your feelings, it’s equally about absorbing the feedback and concerns of your loved ones. You’ve already laid the groundwork for them to feel heard. Now you have to actively listen. They might have reservations, fears, or even alternate solutions. Listen with an open heart and mind. Their perspective, rooted in care, might offer insights you hadn’t considered.
A helpful exercise to use any time you’re trying to actively listen to another person’s feelings, fears and perceptions without feeling attacked or triggered is to imagine yourself entering their world or their mind. You’re in [insert name] land now. You’re seeing and hearing things 100% from their perspective. You’re simply an empathetic observer and listener. Your feelings and perceptions need to stay outside for the time being. With practice, this is an invaluable tool for becoming a better active listener. We adapted this technique from Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) which was developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt.
Brainstorm How to Support Your Emotional Needs:
A career change is a huge transition and often has its ups and downs. The job search and interview process alone is stressful and unpredictable. You will inevitably find yourself feeling down and without control. If your loved one is stressed and unsure, they may not be the best person to turn to in these times of emotional need. And that’s ok! One person can not always be everything for us.
It’s important that you think about strategies for the moments when you feel down in this process. Will you self-soothe? If so, how? Meditation, exercise, journaling, and inner child work are all wonderful options. You could also consider working with a coach or therapist to devise a plan. It can be so easy to give up mid-journey when we’re feeling our lowest. The key is to be proactive!
In wrapping up, remember that these conversations, though challenging, are pivotal milestones in your professional and personal journey. They’re not just about securing validation or appeasing concerns but are instrumental in refining your vision for the future. By approaching them with preparation, vulnerability, and empathy, you transform potential points of contention into collaborative brainstorming sessions. So, take a deep breath, muster your courage, and embark on this conversation with clarity and conviction. Your future self will give you a big warm hug for it.